Does her size matter?

Ange Umutoni, a 29-year old housewife, says that her women friends say she is too tiny for a married woman and above all, a mother of two. “They are always telling me to gain weight for me to be a respectable wife and mother,” she said.

“In Rwandan culture, a woman was considered healthy and an honor to her husband when she gained weight.” (photo Alga Fashion)

It is not an uncommon for young women who were of average size in their single life to gain weight when they get married. They gain even more weight af­ter their first birth.

Much as this may be due to change in lifestyle, there are questions whether it may also be related to cultural beliefs similar to those of Umotoni’s friends.

Umutoni is right to wonder why friends constantly nag her about her size, especially when she considers the health benefits that come from not being over­weight.

And usually, there is more behind the belief that size matters, as Kabageni, a 57 years old lady said. “In Rwandan culture, a woman was considered healthy and an honor to her husband when she gained weight.” Apparently, the same belief per­sists among many Rwanda men even to day.

Small women were called impfobya­bagabuzi which meant that they were not satisfied with anything they got from their husbands. “A young woman who gained some weight after marriage was said to be in a happy marriage. It was a sign of good care by the husband and therefore an honor,” said Kabageni.

An example of this belief is a woman called Delphine Mukandahiro, who had issues with her husband when she lost weight. Her husband kept asking her if he married a woman or a stick. “He would also call me ‘small thing’, saying that people will think he persecutes me at home or doesn’t feed me,” said Mukan­dahiro. According to Kabageni, there are even women who were beaten by their husbands because for loosing weight.

Similarly, women who gained even more weight after giving birth were said to be happy with what their husbands, friends and families gave them as some kind of reward or a gift to congratulate them, ‘ibihembo’ as they call them in Kin­yarwanda, which were and still are given to families and women that gave birth.

“It was believed that when a moth­er had what was considered as enough weight, the baby would be well fed be­cause she would plenty of breast milk, as opposed to the babies of small women,” remarked Mama Rosa, an elderly woman from an association called Agasaro Keza that promotes Rwandan culture.

“I remember when I had my second child, I lost a lot of weight because of problems I had,” recalls Kabageni. “My husband was not home and when I went to visit my mother, she looked at me and said it was a shame I was so small.” Thankfully, Kabageni’s baby was healthy and her mother said if it wasn’t for the baby’s size, people would think she was starving.

“As long as she is a good wife and a good mother to her children, size should not matter.”

“Another thing is that women at the time were not getting as big as they are today,” said Mama Rosa. She says that this may be due to the differences in life­styles. Most women these days travel in vehicles as opposed to walking up and down the hills and work in office where they sit all day.

But whether it is due to cultural beliefs or personal preferences, some men admit to preferring a woman with “some flesh.”

“It doesn’t feel like you are holding a stick or someone who cannot actually be held due to their size,” one man said. Another man remarked that it is quite an honor to have a woman who looks like a woman, with curves and all that. “It is a reflection on you too as a husband,” he said. “It makes you proud and happy that all your hard work to provide for the household are rewarded.”

Yet it is also not uncommon to hear of husbands who are giving their wives a hard time because they gained weight and want them to lose it. “I actually know a woman whose husband had told her that if she gained weight, he would send her back to her parents!” exclaimed Kabageni.

As Mama Rosa said, some women are just built to be big while others cannot gain weight. “The essential thing is to be healthy and have healthy children,” she said. “The rest doesn’t really matter if it is not up to them and they cannot do anything to change it.” From what Mama Rosa said, that women should just be al­lowed to be themselves and not be put under pressure for something they can­not change.

“As long as she is a good wife and a good mother to her children, size should not matter,” she concluded.

Related articles:

• Being overweight is not a sin… but an unhealthy lifestyle is!
• Exercise alone is not enough to lose weight
• A daily walking session, good for your health and wallet
• Weight loss simplified according to experts

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Posted by Marie-Brigitte Kabalira on Feb 13 2012. Filed under Features, Other News, Weekly Highlights, Woman. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0. You can leave a response or trackback to this entry