Rwanda “Independent Journalists” (Umuseso, Umuvugizi, Umurabyo, Umuravumba etc etc)

Sweetheart, it is fantastic that you have placed Rwanda 157th in your Press Freedom Index this year, wow! And the great part is that this is despite the FDLR propaganda we publish every week with not a single one of us even being summoned in court; this on top of all the misinformation we publish week after week on behalf of FDU Inkingi and its Ingabire as well as serial liars like Rusesabagina plus others like that - yet we remain free as birds in our daily lives.

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Of course darling we know all that. And you know very well we can and do classify anyone any way we want and if we want to place Rwanda below even Russia, where over 220 journalists have been murdered since 1991 to today, we do it. But honey, I really loved your recent marvelously concocted piece alleging that Kagame sent Ibingira to murder thousands and thousands in a refugee camp…wow! That was inspired work.

Rwanda “Independent Journalists”

Haaa Honey, of course you know writing like that is what makes me yo bitch and even Kagame knows it for he can never touch me.

Reporters Without Borders

Of course he knows you are my favorite slut and he behaves himself. If he didn’t then I would be writing reports to all the donor countries recommending they cut off their flow of aid to Rwanda, plus he is moving around building an international profile as a president to be respected, you know…all those things he says about democracy, good governance, zero tolerance to corruption in Rwanda etc etc, we would undermine immediately.

Rwanda “Independent Journalists”

Heyyyyaaaa! Darling, ahhhh! But you do it really well…of course you have already undermined the fellow, which gives us even more leverage to go on publishing whatever outrageous things cross our collective bean. Honey, let me also not forget to mention how thrilled I was when you mentioned in one of your reports that the government had suspended a newspaper for three months - yet all that happened is that the so called Media High Council recommended suspension of the said newspaper but the government never followed through…what a great partnership we have, you and me!

Reporters Without Borders

Ha ha ha, wait what we are going to do next year on the basis of that non-suspension of a newspaper; we are going to put Rwanda even below North Korea and Eritrea at number 175. We only wish we had learnt of it before we finished compiling our report for this year…

Rwanda “Independent Journalists”

Honey, you are a real lion of a man! I know you never classified Rwanda anywhere near as low as 147th , not even in the times of Habyarimana.

Reporters Without Borders

Ha! Of course there were more press freedoms those days. I mean RTLM and Kangura are exactly the kind of free media we expect in a backward society like this, and if the Kagame government is badmouthing those great media houses then we shall continue punishing Kagame for it.

Rwanda “Independent Journalists”

Haaa, sweetheart! You’ve really made my day…

Reporters Without Borders

And we shall continue punishing Kagame for being a Tutsi from Uganda who has no respect for the great people of France…how dare he replace our loyal poodle Habyarimana whose greatest pleasure was to jump whenever we snapped our fingers…but this Kagame really needs to be put in his proper place and we at Reporters Without Borders in our head office in Paris will strive endlessly in our contribution to the fight to bring him and all those other dirty Tutsis of Kigali down.

Rwanda “Independent Journalists”

Now am your slut forever!

Reporters Without Borders

And I don’t you being Rusesabagina’s slut on top of being mine as well as FDU Inkingi’s and others like that, so long as we all have one goal… 

Related articles:

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Umuseso editor goes to exile

Ready to tackle “independent” newspapers head on

How the Bizumuremyis of this country thrive

Reporters Without Borders pulls a scam again